I get my feeling of importance by beeing included within a group. This is actually one of my strengths and weaknesses : "Harmony." I get my importance when a team depends on me and when people do well because of my help.
For example, I was a four year point guard while playing basketball at Saint Xavier University. I always got more of a rush by making an assist than scoring a basket, this was something that stimulated me, I wanted the other guys to succeed b/c of my help. On the contrary, I feel worthless when a team doesn't include me in something, or forgets to make any recognition of my efforts.
This strength/weakness defines who I am, what I stand for, and my character type. Some people feel important from being famous, others get it from making a lot of money, and others get it from WINning.
HOW DO YOU GET YOUR FEELING OF IMPORTANCE? or
WHAT CAN SOMEONE DO TO MAKE YOU 'NOT FEEL IMPORTANT'?
STOP......really think about these questions.......
A profound philosopher , John Dewey, said that the deepest urge in hman nature is "the desire to be important." It ranks up there with Health, Food, Sleep, the things money will buy, and sexual gratification.
So, the point is to find out what makes others feel important, and pay attention to their improvements and changes in these areas. When the right time presents itself and you see an improvement in these areas make sure to give compliments and sincere appreciation.
You're probably saying "if I give too many compliments and appreciation it'll seem fake." This is where the distinction of appreciation and flattery is made. If you are giving compliments and don't truly mean them, then that will be flattery.
Dale Carnegie mentioned "The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. Once comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
We want to stop thinking about ourself 100% of the day, and take 5% of each day and listen to someone else's points. At this time we can truly appreciate who they are, and what they're saying.
True Appreciation from Dale Carnegie Story:
Once upon a time, a woman was involved in a self-improvement program at her church. She asked her husband to help her by listing six things he believed she could do to help her become a better wife.
He reported to the class : "I was surprised by such a request. Frankly, it would have been easy for me to list six things I would like to chnage about her--my heavens, she could have listed a thousand things she would like to change about me--but I didn't. I said to her, 'Let me think about it and give you an answer in the morning.'
"The next morning I got up very early and called the florist and hand them send six red roses to my wife with a note saying : 'I can't think of six things I would like to change about you. I love you the whe way you are.'
"When I arrived at home that evening, who do you think greeted me at the door? That's right. My wife! She was almost in tears. Needless to say, I was extremely glad I had not criticized her as she had requested.
"The following Sunday at church, after she had reported the results of her assignment, several women with whom she had been studying came up to me and said, 'That was the most considerate thing I have ever heard.' It was then I realized the power of appreciation."
Who will you give roses to today? Who will you listen to today?
"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." - Emerson