Every once in a while I feel overwhelmed with how much I have to do. This includes, work, life goals, daily chores, and other things. At these times, it seems like I start procastinating cause I don't know where to start, and where to end. I am not sure how to deal with these situations, and what type of mentality is needed. Although, I know that I will get through the situation, it is very stressful at the time.
So, how do you guys deal with situations like this? How do you deal with stressful situations, and feelings of being overwhelmed? How do you not lose your cool, and maintain your composure?
I am very curious to know...cause I'm sure everyone has their own way.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Who cares? Neanderthal November & Festivus 2007
Not sure if you guys heard, but last month was Neanderthal November. Some friends from Canada, whom I haven't seen in over 10 years decided to throw me a surprise visit in Chicago. I got an e-mail on Thursday morning letting me know that they were coming up on Friday afternoon. It was a great visit and fantastic to see them again. One of these friends introduced me to a ritual event that they have back in Calgary, Canada. This event is called Neanderthal November and consists of being a Neanderthal (not shaving at all) throughout the entire month of November.I thought to myself that this was a brilliant idea and also wanted to challenge myself to see if I can do it. If I can stop caring of what others think of me, and stop caring of what I look like.
After weeks of itching, scratching, growing, and assault, the Neanderthal November beard was complete. Low and behold, here it is in the picture. (Man is it ugly)
When the month came to an end, I had truly learned that I don't care what others think of me, or what I look like. In addition, I decided to prepare myself for another yearly ritual (Festivus - House Party of the year - great times guys) by shaving all of my beard except for the moustache. This brought the ball game of 'looking and feeling cheesy' to a whole new level."You are a human being and as long as you are doing something in good spirit and with good intentions, as long as you are not harming another, then it is worth doing." - N.K. (Neanderthal Kamil)
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Tom Mackenzie Interview - 2007 Chicago Marathon
In 1997, an eager 19 year old had a vision, and a goal. While overlooking Lake Michigan he thought to himself, "I am going to run a marathon before the age of 30 because it will show my hard work and dedication towards fitness." As the years passed, Tom Mackenzie remembered this goal and accomplished it on October 7, 2007 while running the 2007 Chicago Marathon.
Tom is the lead programmer on the Market Risk Team at Bank of America. He is a highly motivated and competitive individual. I got a chance to interview Tom about his experience, and intriguing goal pursuit. I have paraphrased his responses for clarity purposes.
What were you expecting after you fulfilled this goal and ran the marathon?
"I believed that running a marathon would show my commitment to staying fit, and boost my confidence in different areas of my life. For example, I believed that running a marathon would motivate me to be more productive in other areas of my life."
What did you realize while you were preparing for the marathon?
"One of the toughest, and weirdest, realizations I had was that you are born on your own and you die on your own. No one is going to fulfill your goals for you, you have to get off your a$$ and do it yourself. The sooner you accept this fact the better off you'll be." Tom spent approximately two hours per day, four days per week preparing. There were situations where he depended on people to be there for him, was let down, and eventually became mentally phased, and depressed on that particular training.
I agree with Tom completely. I believe that people are our biggest asset, but can also be a huge liability. People may be obstacles, and can diverge our plans if we allow them to.
"Some other troubles that I encountered while running was that my short-term goals were too ambitious and unrealistic. I was trying to run fast times for the short lags, and found that this ended up hurting me because I would be sore for the following day, and would have to take it off."
Surprisingly, Tom rarely thought about the end-goal (The Marathon), he stayed in the present and would think about the current day. So the end-goal was in his subconscious to do whatever needed to be done. When the marathon was coming closer, then he started thinking about this actual run, and realizing that he was truly going to fulfill the goals he set as a teenager. In addition, he thought of the end-goal when he was having a tough time getting motivated to run his daily race.
How was the actual marathon?
"The race was brutal. It was 90 degrees, and people were dropping like flies. I experienced some heat-exhaustion symptoms and had to start walking for part of the race. There were ambulances everywhere and people were laying all over the place. Three quarters through the race, they announced that the marathon was cancelled, but this was only a strategy to get the injured people to stop running/walking. I continued on my course."
How did you feel after you crossed the finish line?
"I felt sick, hot, and exhausted. I finished the race in 5:30:43, and my goal was to do it in under 4:00:00 hours. I don't feel that I completed my goal, and I don't think I would do it again. The marathon was not anything that I expected."
As Tom believed that running a martahon would not only help him reach his goal, but would also be a catalyst in other ares of his life. Hopefully it would spark ambition in his work life, and help him focus more intensely on his job, and/or other opportunities. In the end, the confidence was not boosted in the external world, but was increased in the marathon running world, where he saw that focusing on one thing so intensely, only made one better at that one thing, and atrophy in other areas of your life.
When we originally set out goals, it is to venture into lands, and emotions that we have not experienced before. A goal is a dream with a deadline. Thus, we don't set a goal to learn how to drive a car if we already know how to do it. We set goals in areas we haven't experienced before. However, by setting goals in areas where we are not experienced, we have a preconceived notion of what the results are, and what they are going to bring to us. In Tom's case he thought it would bring him confidence in other areas of his life, but it didn't really do that. It only made him a better long distance runner. We assume that something is reality, and have associations with certain things in our life and what they mean to us, but this is not true.
Tom is the lead programmer on the Market Risk Team at Bank of America. He is a highly motivated and competitive individual. I got a chance to interview Tom about his experience, and intriguing goal pursuit. I have paraphrased his responses for clarity purposes.
What were you expecting after you fulfilled this goal and ran the marathon?
"I believed that running a marathon would show my commitment to staying fit, and boost my confidence in different areas of my life. For example, I believed that running a marathon would motivate me to be more productive in other areas of my life."
What did you realize while you were preparing for the marathon?
"One of the toughest, and weirdest, realizations I had was that you are born on your own and you die on your own. No one is going to fulfill your goals for you, you have to get off your a$$ and do it yourself. The sooner you accept this fact the better off you'll be." Tom spent approximately two hours per day, four days per week preparing. There were situations where he depended on people to be there for him, was let down, and eventually became mentally phased, and depressed on that particular training.
I agree with Tom completely. I believe that people are our biggest asset, but can also be a huge liability. People may be obstacles, and can diverge our plans if we allow them to.
"Some other troubles that I encountered while running was that my short-term goals were too ambitious and unrealistic. I was trying to run fast times for the short lags, and found that this ended up hurting me because I would be sore for the following day, and would have to take it off."
Surprisingly, Tom rarely thought about the end-goal (The Marathon), he stayed in the present and would think about the current day. So the end-goal was in his subconscious to do whatever needed to be done. When the marathon was coming closer, then he started thinking about this actual run, and realizing that he was truly going to fulfill the goals he set as a teenager. In addition, he thought of the end-goal when he was having a tough time getting motivated to run his daily race.
How was the actual marathon?
"The race was brutal. It was 90 degrees, and people were dropping like flies. I experienced some heat-exhaustion symptoms and had to start walking for part of the race. There were ambulances everywhere and people were laying all over the place. Three quarters through the race, they announced that the marathon was cancelled, but this was only a strategy to get the injured people to stop running/walking. I continued on my course."
How did you feel after you crossed the finish line?
"I felt sick, hot, and exhausted. I finished the race in 5:30:43, and my goal was to do it in under 4:00:00 hours. I don't feel that I completed my goal, and I don't think I would do it again. The marathon was not anything that I expected."
As Tom believed that running a martahon would not only help him reach his goal, but would also be a catalyst in other ares of his life. Hopefully it would spark ambition in his work life, and help him focus more intensely on his job, and/or other opportunities. In the end, the confidence was not boosted in the external world, but was increased in the marathon running world, where he saw that focusing on one thing so intensely, only made one better at that one thing, and atrophy in other areas of your life.
When we originally set out goals, it is to venture into lands, and emotions that we have not experienced before. A goal is a dream with a deadline. Thus, we don't set a goal to learn how to drive a car if we already know how to do it. We set goals in areas we haven't experienced before. However, by setting goals in areas where we are not experienced, we have a preconceived notion of what the results are, and what they are going to bring to us. In Tom's case he thought it would bring him confidence in other areas of his life, but it didn't really do that. It only made him a better long distance runner. We assume that something is reality, and have associations with certain things in our life and what they mean to us, but this is not true.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Principle 3 : Arouse in the other person an eager want
I give piano lessons to my neighbors every Tuesday, there are two 5-year old boys and their 7-year-old brother. There are times throughout the lesson when they will become bored, tired and frustrated. At these points in time I ask the one I'm teaching "Odysseus, what would you like to learn? or, what do you enjoy most about piano lessons?" Whatever the boys answer, I let them know that they are in control and we will do what they like now. Their idea of learning, and fun during piano is a little different than mine; however, I must compromise and give them what they want or else we will all end up unhappy.
Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something. This includes donating $1,000 anonymously to the Red Cross. Why? Because if you found that money was more precious then the feeling of charity, then you would have kept the money.
Since we understand this premise as the foundation of the principle, it is safe to say that whenever we talk to anyone, we are better of talking about what they want, and helping them to get it. So, you can influence, and make a person want to do something by understanding what they want out of a situation.
Find out what they want and truly needed by simply asking "what do you want out of this?"
According to Dale Carnegie, here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships :
"If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own." - Henry Ford
Get out there and learn what other want and need.
Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something. This includes donating $1,000 anonymously to the Red Cross. Why? Because if you found that money was more precious then the feeling of charity, then you would have kept the money.
Since we understand this premise as the foundation of the principle, it is safe to say that whenever we talk to anyone, we are better of talking about what they want, and helping them to get it. So, you can influence, and make a person want to do something by understanding what they want out of a situation.
Find out what they want and truly needed by simply asking "what do you want out of this?"
According to Dale Carnegie, here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships :
"If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own." - Henry Ford
Get out there and learn what other want and need.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
We vs I
"I made turkey dinner for everybody."
The turkey dinner "you" made was not made by "you." It was made by the gardener who picked the potatoes, the butcher that killed the turkey, as well as the lady who milked the cow. "You" helped in preparing it.
"You" have not done a single thing in your life without someone else's help.
Stop stressing on the word "I" and begin using "we" cause "you" have not done a single thing in your life without someone else's help. Think about that.
Life is a team sport. We help eachother. Lets keep it that way.
The turkey dinner "you" made was not made by "you." It was made by the gardener who picked the potatoes, the butcher that killed the turkey, as well as the lady who milked the cow. "You" helped in preparing it.
"You" have not done a single thing in your life without someone else's help.
Stop stressing on the word "I" and begin using "we" cause "you" have not done a single thing in your life without someone else's help. Think about that.
Life is a team sport. We help eachother. Lets keep it that way.
Principle 2 : Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation
I get my feeling of importance by beeing included within a group. This is actually one of my strengths and weaknesses : "Harmony." I get my importance when a team depends on me and when people do well because of my help.
For example, I was a four year point guard while playing basketball at Saint Xavier University. I always got more of a rush by making an assist than scoring a basket, this was something that stimulated me, I wanted the other guys to succeed b/c of my help. On the contrary, I feel worthless when a team doesn't include me in something, or forgets to make any recognition of my efforts.
This strength/weakness defines who I am, what I stand for, and my character type. Some people feel important from being famous, others get it from making a lot of money, and others get it from WINning.
HOW DO YOU GET YOUR FEELING OF IMPORTANCE? or
WHAT CAN SOMEONE DO TO MAKE YOU 'NOT FEEL IMPORTANT'?
STOP......really think about these questions.......
A profound philosopher , John Dewey, said that the deepest urge in hman nature is "the desire to be important." It ranks up there with Health, Food, Sleep, the things money will buy, and sexual gratification.
So, the point is to find out what makes others feel important, and pay attention to their improvements and changes in these areas. When the right time presents itself and you see an improvement in these areas make sure to give compliments and sincere appreciation.
You're probably saying "if I give too many compliments and appreciation it'll seem fake." This is where the distinction of appreciation and flattery is made. If you are giving compliments and don't truly mean them, then that will be flattery.
Dale Carnegie mentioned "The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. Once comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
We want to stop thinking about ourself 100% of the day, and take 5% of each day and listen to someone else's points. At this time we can truly appreciate who they are, and what they're saying.
True Appreciation from Dale Carnegie Story:
Once upon a time, a woman was involved in a self-improvement program at her church. She asked her husband to help her by listing six things he believed she could do to help her become a better wife.
He reported to the class : "I was surprised by such a request. Frankly, it would have been easy for me to list six things I would like to chnage about her--my heavens, she could have listed a thousand things she would like to change about me--but I didn't. I said to her, 'Let me think about it and give you an answer in the morning.'
"The next morning I got up very early and called the florist and hand them send six red roses to my wife with a note saying : 'I can't think of six things I would like to change about you. I love you the whe way you are.'
"When I arrived at home that evening, who do you think greeted me at the door? That's right. My wife! She was almost in tears. Needless to say, I was extremely glad I had not criticized her as she had requested.
"The following Sunday at church, after she had reported the results of her assignment, several women with whom she had been studying came up to me and said, 'That was the most considerate thing I have ever heard.' It was then I realized the power of appreciation."
Who will you give roses to today? Who will you listen to today?
"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." - Emerson
For example, I was a four year point guard while playing basketball at Saint Xavier University. I always got more of a rush by making an assist than scoring a basket, this was something that stimulated me, I wanted the other guys to succeed b/c of my help. On the contrary, I feel worthless when a team doesn't include me in something, or forgets to make any recognition of my efforts.
This strength/weakness defines who I am, what I stand for, and my character type. Some people feel important from being famous, others get it from making a lot of money, and others get it from WINning.
HOW DO YOU GET YOUR FEELING OF IMPORTANCE? or
WHAT CAN SOMEONE DO TO MAKE YOU 'NOT FEEL IMPORTANT'?
STOP......really think about these questions.......
A profound philosopher , John Dewey, said that the deepest urge in hman nature is "the desire to be important." It ranks up there with Health, Food, Sleep, the things money will buy, and sexual gratification.
So, the point is to find out what makes others feel important, and pay attention to their improvements and changes in these areas. When the right time presents itself and you see an improvement in these areas make sure to give compliments and sincere appreciation.
You're probably saying "if I give too many compliments and appreciation it'll seem fake." This is where the distinction of appreciation and flattery is made. If you are giving compliments and don't truly mean them, then that will be flattery.
Dale Carnegie mentioned "The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. Once comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
We want to stop thinking about ourself 100% of the day, and take 5% of each day and listen to someone else's points. At this time we can truly appreciate who they are, and what they're saying.
True Appreciation from Dale Carnegie Story:
Once upon a time, a woman was involved in a self-improvement program at her church. She asked her husband to help her by listing six things he believed she could do to help her become a better wife.
He reported to the class : "I was surprised by such a request. Frankly, it would have been easy for me to list six things I would like to chnage about her--my heavens, she could have listed a thousand things she would like to change about me--but I didn't. I said to her, 'Let me think about it and give you an answer in the morning.'
"The next morning I got up very early and called the florist and hand them send six red roses to my wife with a note saying : 'I can't think of six things I would like to change about you. I love you the whe way you are.'
"When I arrived at home that evening, who do you think greeted me at the door? That's right. My wife! She was almost in tears. Needless to say, I was extremely glad I had not criticized her as she had requested.
"The following Sunday at church, after she had reported the results of her assignment, several women with whom she had been studying came up to me and said, 'That was the most considerate thing I have ever heard.' It was then I realized the power of appreciation."
Who will you give roses to today? Who will you listen to today?
"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." - Emerson
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Principle 1 : Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain
I am currently reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie . In each chapter there is a lesson to be learned, I will explain them here - Lesson 1.
"God himself does not propose to judge man until the end of his days," why should you and I?
Abraham Lincoln mentioned "Don't criticize others; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances." Put yourself in someone else's shoes before you criticize them, and understand why they make the decisions that they do. Criticizing and pointing the finger is the easy way out, DON'T BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
People justify their actions 99.9% of them time, so criticizing them will only higher their defenses, wound their pride and way of thinking. An example of this is one of Al Capone. Mr. Capone, the most notorious gangster in the US, considered himself a public benefactor - an unappreciated and misunderstood public benefactor. When criticized, he justified actions by stating that he was helping people that couldn't act for themselves. Al was one of those people in the 99.9% when he was justifying his actions.
Next time, before you criticize or condemn someone, remember that they will justify their actions in their head, and no progress will be made. The best way to approach a situation like this is to give constructive feedback, and try to understand them, and their situation.
The book mentions a great way to handle these situations : "B.F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies showed that the same applies for humans. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and ofter incur resentment."
Finally, repeated again in Dale's words : "Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. To know all is to forgive all."
Lesson 1 : Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
A great poem to help us remember this lesson, Father Forgets
"God himself does not propose to judge man until the end of his days," why should you and I?
Abraham Lincoln mentioned "Don't criticize others; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances." Put yourself in someone else's shoes before you criticize them, and understand why they make the decisions that they do. Criticizing and pointing the finger is the easy way out, DON'T BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
People justify their actions 99.9% of them time, so criticizing them will only higher their defenses, wound their pride and way of thinking. An example of this is one of Al Capone. Mr. Capone, the most notorious gangster in the US, considered himself a public benefactor - an unappreciated and misunderstood public benefactor. When criticized, he justified actions by stating that he was helping people that couldn't act for themselves. Al was one of those people in the 99.9% when he was justifying his actions.
Next time, before you criticize or condemn someone, remember that they will justify their actions in their head, and no progress will be made. The best way to approach a situation like this is to give constructive feedback, and try to understand them, and their situation.
The book mentions a great way to handle these situations : "B.F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies showed that the same applies for humans. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and ofter incur resentment."
Finally, repeated again in Dale's words : "Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. To know all is to forgive all."
Lesson 1 : Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
A great poem to help us remember this lesson, Father Forgets
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